Of Tears and Blood
Exploring the Raw Truths of the Creative Process
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Nicholas Ryan Howard


Los Angeles, CA

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Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “There have been moments where I’ve felt like I have nobody, and it’s scary as hell.”


Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “I feel so overwhelmed by all of the projects that I have going on that I can’t even do one of them.”


Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “It’s the doers. It’s the people in the arena. Not the people hanging around them. Not the people that stay stuff, not the people that always talk about it. Get away from all that, that’s all toxicity.”


Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “I wasn’t going to take no for an answer when it came to acting. I would have done anything for it.”


Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “My creativity keeps me alive in many ways, and when I can’t keep that alive, that’s when other parts of me begin to die, and that’s the struggle that I’m dealing with.”


Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “Self-doubt is just part of the process. We don’t always get over it, but we have to get through it.”

And tears.

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “You know how there are people who cry two or three times in their life, like a big sob? I feel like that big sob happens to me every other day.”

This is what it means to relentlessly pursue one’s craft. This is what it means to be fiercely creative.

My name is Nicholas Ryan Howard. I’m an author. A philosopher. A creator. I’ve led, mentored, and guided a vast number of individuals on the topic of creativity and now, for the first time, ever, I will be sharing my experiences with you.

In my travels to all corners of the globe, I’ll be having intimate conversations with prolific creators about topics which are rarely discussed. Pain. Rejection. The detriments of fame. Isolation. The not-so-glamorous side of the creative process. In other words, the perspiration that comes from inspiration.

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “If your passion is also your way of surviving, how are you going to pay your rent? How are you going to pay your bills? How are you going to buy food? It becomes a different relationship than just doing it for the love, and not knowing what’s going to come out of it.”

I’ll also be utilizing my professional experience as a facilitator of psychology to assist others who are stuck creatively—those who feel trapped and can’t seem to break through into the realms that they dream of. You’ll have an invitation to listen in on these sessions and experience firsthand the profound shifts, major breakthroughs, and powerful revelations that occur therein.

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “I think I’ve got a very low resilience level to things that are hard. Part of me wants to overcome that, to become more resilient. I don’t feel very solidly in place anywhere.”

Creativity requires tapping into an infinite range of human emotions. It means existing in the light, as well as in the dark. Join me as we go deep, embrace our vulnerability, and explore the lowest of the lows—but also the highest of the highs. For with the tears of sadness also come the tears of joy.

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “I’m happy when I see my restaurant full. Not for money.”

And with the blood of pain, also flows the blood of passion.

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “You have this sense of being a part of something big, a part of something wild and fantastic. I love it, it makes me really proud to do what I do, and feel how far I’ve come, and be a part of something that has such tradition.”

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “The best moments are those moments where I’m coming out of something and you’ve impressed yourself. You’re consciously like, ‘I’ve taken a step forward,’ whether it’s learning something new, or just something that comes out that’s unexpected. Those are the moments of joy within the work.”

Excerpt from an interview with a guest: “There’s not one part of me that would give it up. As much struggle and strain and terrible moments, I would never give any of this up.”

Welcome to “Of Tears and Blood,” by Nicholas Ryan Howard.

Thank you for joining me. I am truly appreciative. It is my intention to always respect your time, and hopefully contribute something of value. On all subsequent episodes, you'll hear intimate conversations with creators in surprising locations around the globe. Yet, because of the times that we're in, I feel that there is something that needs to be addressed—something we should discuss right here and now straight out of the gate—because its importance rises above all else.

When these interviews were recorded the world was just… different. Not blissful. Not a paradise. There were choppy waters, but they were hinting at either a squall passing, or a hurricane rising. We know now it was the latter, a storm that hit worldwide, a tempest we’d all get swept into, and one that would leave us forever changed.

This podcast begins within those aforementioned days. Many of the recordings you’ll hear were recorded during that particular point in time, before the conversations on the international stage had massively shifted. Even now, as I compose these words, I can’t help but ask: Who am I to have a voice right now? Am I drowning out voices that need to be elevated? Or am I a life raft to those who wish to drift on another wave, and to discuss different topics right now?

Let me be clear, I don’t have the answers to those questions. But I do know this: many creators are wrestling with this very dilemma as we speak. Embracing the Creative Consciousness—a concept that is often discussed on this show—means putting yourself out there not necessarily because you want to, but because, for some reason, you have to. Creativity, by its very nature, is a risk.

I’ll also be speaking to some controversial figures. I believe that discussing all aspects of the process—the rise as well as the fall—is important to understand. I am simply exploring. Hoping that by better understanding their decisions, it more effectively informs ours.

That said: here’s what I vow. I vow to do the best I can to be respectful of the current climate. I vow to elevate relevant voices as the opportunities present themselves. And I vow to always adapt, to learn, and to grow. Similarly, I’d like to speak on behalf of my guests for a moment. When we had the conversations you’ll soon hear, their thoughts reflected their worlds—and the world at large—as it was in those particular moments in time. Things change. Perspectives shift. But I do feel it’s worth listening back to how things were, and to discover the raw truths that surfaced which apply to every era, every circumstance, and to every moment in history.

So, while the world may want—and need—to discuss other things, here, in this space, we will talk about creativity. In all of its forms. We’ll travel around the world and speak to creators from so many walks of life about their art, their passions, and their blood, sweat, and tears. It’s not going to be perfect. It’s going to get messy. It will be beautiful, it will be dangerous, it will be painful, but it will be revelatory.

Exactly how creativity tends to be.

I’m Nicholas Ryan Howard, and this is "Of Tears and Blood." Thank you for listening, and now, without further ado, let's get straight into our first interview. You’ll find it in our next episode. I hope you like it. I’ll meet you there.